I went to our secret place last night and had a long talk with the moon. Used to be you were the closest thing to heaven to me, now she is. I told her I was sorry she had been relegated to the number two spot for so long, but she understood. She was, after all, the one who brought us together and played such an integral part in our romance.
Romance. Maybe that isn’t the right word to use. Love affair? Relationship? Friendship.
I never knew how to define us, and it was years before I knew we used two different definitions. In my head, you break it down again. Tears rolled down my face, and through my blurred vision I could have sworn I saw sketches of pain across the wispy façade of the moon. Though, as always, she remained silent and allowed me to reminisce.
Well-meaning people will say “memories fade” but I think that’s an over-generalized and somewhat patronizing term. Also, it doesn’t apply to soulmates, and I believe you and I are soulmates. Do you remember the first collab we wrote together, almost eleven years ago? It was about soulmates. I’ll post it at the end of this letter.
I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past eleven years about what a soulmate is, and why ‘romance’ isn’t the right word here. It’s because I’ve learned that being or having a soulmate isn’t the romantic notion I first thought it was. Romance doesn’t even have to factor in – it’s all about that innate connection that two people, that we, had. And I still feel that pull.
The moon nudged me a little, and under her calm shelter my mind continued to go back in time and the memories are crystal clear. I remember exactly where I was ten years ago when I realized you were my soulmate and what my destiny was. We’re all placed on this earth for a purpose, right? Mine was to love you – selflessly, wholly, irrevocably, and it didn’t matter whether or not you felt the same. My destiny was to ensure that you felt (dare I say?) a serene love, a love that calms and protects you. What your destiny was I could have no way of knowing. But destiny has a domino effect, and I knew I was somehow one of those pieces in yours. I saw that revelation instantly and clearly and, instead of watching my son’s baseball game, I furiously began scribbling into my notebook all the words and affirmations flooding my brain.
Of course, I could not just tell you this. How do you explain a revelation of destiny without sounding like a crazy person? So, I beseeched our old friend, the moon. I put my faith in her, that she could convey this calmness to you whenever you gazed upon her. I implored her to always have your back and to protect you. I urged her to summon up a breeze to gently brush against your cheeks, causing you to close your eyes for a moment and feel the feathery soft brush of love whenever you ever had doubt.
And through it all, we stayed in touch. Until we didn’t. Sometimes a year or several would lapse without word, but an email always generated a response and a quick catch up. Except now it’s been five years since your last email. Last year I tried to reach you, through every method I had, but never heard back. I emailed again a few months ago, again to no response. It’s never been like you to not get back to me. I know a lot can happen in five years – emails change, people move or move on, but I can’t help feeling a little disconcerted. Some might read my letter and think “obviously, you’ve been ghosted.” Sure, that’s always a possibility – one I’ve experienced several times, actually, but never so profoundly.
I don’t have faith in a lot of things, but I have to have faith in “the system.” To believe in destiny and connections and not ask questions there are no answers to. The moon knows, I’ve asked her enough of them in the past.
Dawn is coming, and the moon is now heading your way. Destiny is in the air, so to speak. The moon swells with all the love and secrets and wishes she has been entrusted with and knows how to disburse them. This, I have to believe. If I didn’t, I think it would break me. I trust that you are okay, wherever you are. And that you remember everything you loved about the moon and still let her in.
I pray the moon doesn’t fail us.
~ The Spirit Knowing ~ Our being eternal, forever connected The binding of souls, heart and minds. Though time disconnects us, through death for an instance Our souls will be, one, once again. I have known you forever, since time dawned existence My spirit in life knows your smile We re-live those loops in eternity’s lifetimes, And we meet for the ‘first time.’ My love. A circle unbroken, our bond everlasting Time and again, we find each other My soul sends a kiss that my spirit carries Your spirit searches and finds, our souls rejoice. ‘Haven’t we met?’ is never a question For the answer precedes the space of time The knowing is internal, in the depths of our spirits Integrated with the bindings of love. Still, decades they pass and our centuries follow My soul, every span, searches out those tomorrows Life never removes us from destiny’s wishes For fate, ever, changing our lives. I know that you know me, from times before this But you’re unsure of where, when or how I know we have seen many lives here together Our ‘orbits’ collide every time. Peaceful serenity lives within me In knowing you are mine throughout time Whether standing beside me or waiting in my future You are the air that I breathe. Our souls wrote the music an eternity ago And we have been dancing ever since Despite curtain calls, our love never fades My spirit knows no other than yours. Capricorn Smiles (DnD) © September 2, 2010